I’ve never knowingly encountered this rather unique individual. I have however been to where he works and lives but that was long ago. However my partner in crime (ACE) has filled me in on the weird and wonderful world that he is master and commander of. I know he has a completely different view of a DH race not more than 10 miles from my door. From what I do know is that his little home town in a nice little place not too far from the hustle and bustle of Poole. Having ridden there to meet a lady friend many years ago I know a few of it’s secrets. But it would appear to hold many more. If you move in certain circles he is maybe more familiar.
Charlie, long bike, long surf board, long lunch break.
Somewhere across the channel between wine and cheese breaks
1, Who are you?
Charlie The Bikemonger.
2, Where do you live?
Swanage,on the Dorset coast. Nice old town with a beach, pier, steam railway
and a few castles. Good riding and the best pub in the world.
3, What do you do for a living?
I’m a purveyor of damned fine cycle provisions… aka I have a high street + online bike shop.
4, What’s the best thing about your job?
Being in charge of your life. I never quite fitted in anywhere else so invented my own world that suits me. I get to work with bikes which I love. The harder and smarter you work, the better it gets, and what little money I make is directly linked to those efforts. You get to meet some great people, mess around on bikes, and go racing.
5, And the worst?
Even at its worst, it’s never dreadful. But it’s a lot of responsibility; there are a lot of costs that need to be looked after. The tax man makes more than I do.
6, You have a slight thing for the more unusual bicycle?
Riding a standard hardtail Specialized (or whatever) is like having a fosters lager and listening to X-Factor music.
Riding a steel one speed cross bike with drop bars is Henry Weston’s
Vintage cider (8.2%) and Hendrix.
Easy choice eh?
Life is too short to waste it on normal stuff. All bikes are cool, but it turns out that the simpler the bike the more fun you have. This is where The Clunker Classic DH race comes in. 40 blokes, a few ciders, proper 4 mile DH and not a single mountainbike in sight. Hitting the rock gardens on a 1930’s post office bike is a shed load of giggles. It’s the first Saturday in July each year, at Porlock in Somerset.
7, You state that you are a “Purvey Of Damned Fine fixed and Single Speed Cycle Produce…” How did come about?
Ran out of money, started an ebay shop selling bike components that like, and just got carried away.
8, What bike/s are you riding at the moment?
You lot will like this. It’s a Canfield Brothers Nimble9. A steel hardtail 29er with adjustable dropouts. The wheel is tucked up right next to the BB, shortest stays in the 29er world. It’s designed for a 120mm fork. This means you have a 29er with all the big wheel advantages (shit fast) but it thinks it’s a Santa Cruz Chameleon.
It’s a hardcore hardtail with big wheels.
9, What gets you up in the morning?
“Captain” the 40kg basset hound gets me up, he dives onto the bed and demands cuddles.
10, What tunes do you like?
It’s a very big list going from Robert Johnson, Iggy and The Stooges, MC5, The Damned, Raconteurs, The Who, Funkadelic, Gaye Bykers On Acid. Captain No-Show & The Fuck Offs, but let me turn you on to the browness of “Ween”. This song is called LMLYP, you will work out what it stands for.
11, What gets your goat?
Rob our mechanic and a farther, husband, damned nice guy, track racing legend… hit by a kid driving a car on a local road, killed, and the kid who had been fined for speeding on the same road a month or so
earlier get 200 hours community service.I hear they have now removed the ghost bike. That did more for cycling safety than the 3 points the kid got for the speeding.
12, If you could meet anyone past or present. Who would it be?
I have dwelled on this one. It’s got to be Hunter S Thompson. Here was a guy who was no doubt crazy and hard work… but damn he told it hard and straight… if we ever needed someone like him it’s now. Check this out, the opening lines from his first book “Hell’s Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga of the Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs”…
“The
Menace is loose again, the Hell’s Angels, the hundred-carat
headline, running fast and loud on the early morning freeway, low in
the saddle, nobody smiles, jamming crazy through traffic and ninety
miles an hour down the center stripe, missing by inches…like
Genghis Khan on an iron horse, a monster steed with a fiery anus,
flat out through the eye of a beer can and up your daughter’s leg
with no quarter asked and none given; show the squares some class,
give em a whiff of those kicks they’ll never know…”
13, Describe your perfect day?
A day that is unwritten. Do idea where it will take you, what it will show you, how it will hurt you.
14, Who inspires you?
Yogi Bear, he was not only smarter than the average bear but also one of the greatest picnic strategist of all time.
15, What do you think the future holds for mountain bikes?
Those damned gears have got to get sorted out soon. Gears are handy, not compulsory, but can be handy… until they start failing, skipping around and ruining bloody everything.
Ladies bike attacks Vince at the Clunker.
16, When was the last time something made you go “WTF“?
Almost everything at the cutting edge of most extreme sports. The stuff skaters do now was only possible on Tony Hawk PS2 games a few years ago. Someone has turned everything up to 11. Guys are surfing 70 foot waves for Christ’s sake.
17, When did you last scare yourself?
Memories, when I look back at what I have been comfortable with, it scares me now. I am or have also been a motorcyclist, surfer, skateboarder and rock climber. Good memories, but I attended my own drowning, fallen 40 foot off cliffs and not all my confederates saw the other side.
18, What could you not do without?
The people around me who keep me going. Mrs Bikemonger, Simon my shop human, and my kids.
19. Where would you like to go that you haven’t?
Imagine loading up a surly big dummy, the long cargo bike, with a surfboard, fishing gear and a hammock and exploring the Pacific coast of El Salvador. Fish taco’s, warm water, tequila, long point breaks and
no plans.
20, When are you happiest?
Just before I go to sleep on cycle tours, tired, damned tired, a few beers, sleeping under the stars, in the woods, cooking on fire, no idea what the next day will hold or where it will take you. Blank canvas, no
limits, no rules, no worries, saddle tramping. Never had so little, never been so happy.
21, Any amusing tales?
I took me 7 days to ride my single speed cross bike to the Euro single speed mounatinbike champs in Belgium, headwind from hell for five whole days, 14 hours of riding on the last day, I was tired and hungry. We hit a restaurant at some point and I ate loads. I found myself slumped over my buddy Vince and assumed the chair had broken, but he looked down and said “No the floor has given way under you -you fat git”. How about that for carbo loading.
22, What does the future hold for you?
Small business like this, hefty and very aggressive competition from otheronline shops, 20% vat, shitty economy… I’m getting smarter, working harder and intend to be doing this for a long time.
23, If you could have an idea/invention. What would it be?
http://youtu.be/3NrHlbxIDOY
I have had loads of inventions… you know the blue “soap cakes” they put in urinals in pubs, why don’t they look like pool balls or Margret Thatcher, something to aim at? I also invented the “Sissy Siren”
24, tell us something about yourself that we don’t know?
I competed in the world stinging nettle eating championships. Only got through 14 foot of plants, the winner ate 60 something feet.
25, Any thanks or final thoughts?
Protect your freedom, fight for your freedom. The internet is great, everyone is a publisher, Hardtailnation and indeed Charliethebikemonger.com are great examples of this new freedom. But they don’t like this,
they will try and take it back. There has never been a better time to be alive, make the most of it.
Jim Morrison impersonation at the end of the road.
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